


Radio LOCCENT: November 28th, 2023

by Crowtoed



Series: Radio LOCCENT [6]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Bickering, Fandom participation, Gen, M/M, Music links, Pre-Movie, Slice of Life, Some Attempts At Science Were Made, Timeline divurgence, Trans!Newt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:17:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowtoed/pseuds/Crowtoed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twice a week LOCCENT turns into the most happening radio show this side of the Breach.</p><p>In this installment: Radio LOCCENT gets turned over to Newton Geiszler, Communications is hosting a singles mixer, LOCCENT's door problem is addressed, and Hermann Gottlieb stops by the show to try (and fail) to rein Newt in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Radio LOCCENT: November 28th, 2023

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter could have been exponentially longer if only because writing K-Science came really easily, I hope it reads well. Requests and listener emails/questions can be sent to my tumblr (also Crowtoed).

“ _I still don't understand why Tendo let you host the show, I mean... you're not even a LOCCENT officer.”  
“Yeah, well... I could have been if I wanted to! I could code perfectly functioning circles around some of the jackoffs in Seattle. K-Science just needed me more and I mean, that's home for me, y'know? And I've done this before! Back at MIT I did the late-night metal show. I'm a natural, I've got animal magnetism.”  
_ “ _What do I have then? Human repulsion?”  
_ _"I tell you what, Marty, let me host the show and you can take as many pot-shots at me as you want since I'm the squid around here, cool?”  
_ “ _You don't know what you're getting yourself into, Geiszler.”  
_ “ _Oh... Oh I know. Bring it, man. So I get to sit in the chair?”  
_ “ _The person who oversees the drift monitors sits in that chair, Dr. Geiszler.”  
_ “ _So why does Tendo sit here?”_

**[Opening title for 30 seconds:[Weird Science](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm-upHSP9KU)\- Oingo Boingo]**

**NG:** How's it hangin' Shatterdome? Welcome to Radio LOCCENT, I am not Tendo!

Like, really not Tendo. He's a little taller and tanner- personally I think I'm better looking, but then again, he's got the smokin' hot wife while I- Anway! I'm Dr. Newt Geiszler and I'll be filling in for Tendo while he has a personal health day. **[Beat, then laughs]** Don't worry! He's not dying or anything- Idon'tthink... See, Mrs. Choi put her foot down, which is even more terrifying now that she's pregnant, so Tendo's quitting smoking.

**[Smattering of applause around LOCCENT]**

**NG:** See, that's very surprising since I think this is, like the fourth time he's tried. But I really think he can do it this time- so if you see him, wish him luck!  
 **ML:** And offer him a smoke!  
 **NG:** Nah, don't be a dick! Also I'm pretty sure Alison will find you and kill you like some latina Liam Neeson.  
 **NT:** I don't understand. Why isn't Tendo here if he has so much experience trying to quit?  
 **NG:** Oh man, Nyima, that's the best part! Today Tendo went with a bunch of the Russians to this sauna. Apparently Aleksis Kaidanovsky told him this trick where you go to a sauna and sweat out the nicotine on the third or fourth day when you're really starting to flip your shit. But hey, sounds like a fun time out, right?  
Gettin' reeaaaal close with those Russkies. I hope you made some friends, Tendo.  
Okay so here's our first set of music. I know usually Tendo plays some oldies and rockabilly for this one, but- like I said earlier- I'm not him! So I'm gonna play some awesome tunes that I've picked out and I hope you like them. If not... I dunno, email Human Resources and bitch to them. I hear it's therapeutic, Hermann does it all the time. So fuck yeah, here's Motorhead with Ace of Spades!

**[Cue:**

**[Ace of Spades](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iwC2QljLn4)\- Motorhead**

**[Engel](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVQaixvlMwo)\- Rammsteinn**

**[The Wake](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lr2bGDA8Lo)\- Abney Park**

**[Mary, Mary](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MOxsvx-HVU)\- Chumbawamba**

**[Faraway Vol. 2](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPRsTrQA0cU)\- Apocalyptica Feat. Linda Sundblad]**

**NG:** We'v only had a couple people leave the stream, that's pretty- HEY! We're back on air! Welcome back to Radio LOCCENT, guys- I was gonna rename it Radio Free Europe, but nobody got the joke... Apparently no pre-Losing My Religion REM fans in the house. Bah...  
I'm DJ Dr. Newt Geiszler filling in for Tendo “Aaron Presley” Choi.

 **[Absent tapping on the console]**  
  
Since I'm definitely not Tendo, I'm not going to do any requests this week just in case you wanted him to do them. I mean, I know he said I'd be covering for him, but it'd be like sleeping in his bed and screwing his wife....

**[Awkward pause]**

Fuck. Fuck, that's not what I meant. I'm really sorry! Mea fuckin' cuelpa, guys. I don't want to do Ali- I mean she's a gorgeous lady but I'm really not into big gals- What I mean to say is she's not...  
  
 **NT:** Hey Newt?  
 **NG:** **[sighs with relief]** Yeah Nyima?  
 **NT:** Announcements, Newt.  
 **NG:** Thanks, man. Damn, you should put a freaking shock collar on me. Y'know, zzzzssshzz yipeyipeyipe! Anyway....  
  
A reminder from HR that durian is banned in the Shatterdome. Anyone caught sneaking durian into the building will face disciplinary action and have their fruit confiscated. **[Amused snort]** That's gotta be why the hallways near J-Tech smelled like pigshit yesterday....

...because J-Tech having a pet pig is highly suspect...

Hey J-Tech, you guys should totally get a pig. Just a little one. And you can train it to... oh, hey Nyima...

Any personnel who were present at the Mach 3 core tests last week should report to medical as soon as possible, particularly if they're experiencing shortness of breath or nausea. Medical and j-tech assures the risk of radiation or magnetic field poisoning is low, but they want to run tests, just in case... Mein Gott, is this Aperture Science? Am I Cave Johnson now?  
Medical would like to also note that if you grow a third arm, don't panic. They aren't parasitic or malignant and if surgery fails, you can join the PPDC ping pong team.  
  
Oh! And speaking of sports, HR is putting together a volleyball tournament for December. Teams of 6 and 1 alternate can sign up via email to activities coordinator, Valerie Kwan.

 **ML:** No snarky comments, Newt?  
 **NG:** Nah, volleyball's not my thing. I got nothin'.  
 **ML:** So you're being court-eous?  
 **NG: [audible point]** Bad Marty! Bad! You know we don't allow puns on this show! Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done!  
 **ML: [quieter]** You're just mad that you just got served.  
 **NG:** Corner!  
Okay. So. (Here's the earth...)

So coming up this week the “Do Your Part and Do Without” program (oh my god, who _named_ that?) is rationing the following foodstuffs: Cheese, tomatoes, chocolate, pork products, and oranges. Which means no pizza and breakfast is going to be depressing as hell. Thanks PPDC, because I needed more reasons to be depressed at mess. Do you know how long it's been since I've had meatloaf that I didn't want to test for signs of sentience? I'm pretty sure last week's chicken casserole is alive. It responds to the name Werner. I think I'll train it to answer my peer reviews.

Lastly this Saturday night Communications is putting on a singles mixer in Hangar 4 starting at 22:00. Sign up at the door, get a ribbon for whoever you're interested in- red for men, blue for women, green for pan, yellow for bi. They also... oh man, says here everyone's promised punch and cake! I am so there, you have no idea.

Listeners, dudes, if there is punch and cake, I am single and ready to mingle.  
  
 **ML:** I thought you were single, Newt.  
 **NG: [beat]** Yeah. Yeah. Totally am. Unattached and.... looking for cake. I think that's the purple ribbon.... if it isn't, then it is now! And..uh... because I'm a good friend...  
Bev, hun, I know a certain pilot from a certain jaeger that rhymes with Shmimson Piemoon is going to be at the mixer and he's kinda hoping you're going to be there. He likes ladies who are shorter than him, so don't wear your tall heels. Get it, girl.  
 **ML:** Shmimson Piemoon?  
 **NG: [sheepish]** Um... yyyees.  
 **ML:** None of your degrees are in subtlety are they?  
 **NG:** No... but I've got one in sass and another in shut up. Okay, y'know what? Announcements are done. Enough announcements, let's get back to music. And after music.... more music...  
 **NT:** Newton, usually after the second set Tendo interviews his guest.  
 **NG** : Was I supposed to pack a guest for when I came here? Tendo didn't tell me that, I assumed he'd set one up. I dunno, Yuri Reznov talking about his stamp collection or Dr. Xialong warning us about kaiju bone powder... or... y'know what? We'll figure it out during the break. Hopefully. Maybe. It's doubtful but gimme a chance...

**[Cue:**   
**[Chandelier Searchligh](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ezA8mTWXNM)t- Deerhoof**   
**[Chrome](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI1Em3rQz3E)\- VNV Nation**   
**[People Are Strange](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHIFcLt_kOg)\- Johnny Hollow**   
**[Jesus Built My Hotrod](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lspjLG9nHXk)\- Ministry**   
**[Vengeance and Fashion](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1oi5WQwlXg)\- Electric Six]**

_“Ministry? Really?”_   
_“Hey, how'd you get- what happened to the door? Oh my god, why doesn't LOCCENT have doors? There's a lot of sensitive equipment and there's no door. Sydney had doors.”_   
_“I really didn't come here to discuss the architectural variances between Shatterdomes, Newton.”_   
_“C'mooon, it's fascinating! Remember Seattle? How it looked like they tried? Like they let some grad student with a degree in modern design jizz his minimalist wet dream all over it, then the military said “NO” and made it look all Blade Runner with the industrial blight? Man I miss Seattle. We were there for 2019, too! We should have had a Blade Runner party, you could have been JF Sebastien or Rachael.”_   
_“Before you begin another lllengthy diatribe on why Blade Runner is the greatest science fiction film ever made- again, that is not why I exerted the energy to come here.”_   
_“Di-Did you miss me? I wouldn't blame you if you did.”_   
_“Hardly.”_   
_“Then what can I do you for, my esteemed replicant?”_

**NG:** Welcome back everybody! I know I said that I didn't have a guest for tonight lined up, but it turns out I was wrong. And good wrong, too! Guess who came up to visit LOCCENT during the last set?  
 **[Beat]** Nnnooooo, but good guess! Give a warm welcome to my lab partner Dr. Hermann Gottlieb!  
 **[Mild cheering from the remaining LOCCENT, Newt whoops and claps]**

 **HG:** Dr. Geiszler, do you know why I occasionally listen to this program?  
 **NG:** The gossip?  
 **HG:** No. It's a respite, albeit brief, from the racket you play in the lab on a daily basis. Currently aforementioned racket is broadcasting on this program. Do you see the problem with this, Dr. Geiszler? It should be fairly obvious....  
 **NG:** Okay, fine. What do _you_ want to play Hermann, since you've got the best taste in music? And no classical, we've gotta keep the ratings up, no matter how much you've got a raging hard-on for Liszt.  
 **HG:** What are you even-  
 **NG:** Oh come on, I've seen you look at his wikipe-  
 **HG:** I was merely looking at-  
 **NG:** There's no shame in finding Liszt hot, I'd totally hit that. And Chopin, too. Am I right?  
 **HG:** This is a radio programme centered around the social happenings of this Shatterdome and alternative Western music, why are we discussing crushes on19 th century composers?  
 **NG:** Because, Hermann, why not? Hey Shatterdome, send us your dead guy crushes! **[beat]  
** Okay, fine. Social happenings. Have you done anything social lately, Hermann?  
 **HG:** As a matter of fact I have. Myself and Doctors Jobunutra, Sun, and Parker played speed chess yesterday afternoon.  
 **NG:** Yay,.... exciting. That's so... no. Granted, Hermann, you could make a naked pillowfight with the Hansens sound unappealing, but seriously... that sounds really lame. And Parker's not even that great of a player, why didn't you just invite me?  
 **HG:** Why do you think? Honestly....  
 **NG:** Wanted to brag about me? That's cool, I completely understand-  
 **HG:** A shocking revelation Newton, but the scientific and medical community of the Shatterdome doesn't revolve around you. [huffs] Egomaniac.  
 **NG:** Megalomaniac, thank you. Habromaniac, even. And that wasn't a no...  
 **HG: [tersely]** Dr. Geiszler, you're embarrassing yourself once again and on public radio, no less. I know decorum is a lost cause for you, but could you at least summon a modicum of self-respect?  
 **NG:** Error 404, Hermann, self-respect not found.  
 **HG:** If you want an error, look at your date of birth. It's about twenty years off...  
 **NG:** Oho! And when were you born? 1935? Tell me all about jitterbugging and those fresh Cole Porter tracks, Hermann! Tell me about when a piece of pie was a nickel!

“ _I should really interrupt them, but I can't... it's like a train wreck. I kinda want popcorn...”_  
 _“And the ratings have spiked....”_  
 _“I mean.... we could leave if we wanted... go get some coffee?”_  
 _“I have been at my console all night and it would be nice to stretch my legs. All right! Just a quick coffee break.”_

 **HG:** Have you even washed your hair in the duration of this war, Dr. Geiszler?  
 **NG:** Have you ironed your shirt? God dude, for a guy so **[obnoxious British accent]** _fastidious about his appearance_ you really look like you don't give a shit.

 **HG:** And you look like a common street punk interviewing for a barista job. Always. I'll never forgive you for arriving to our pitch for the United Nations Defence Council in a- god- a Megadeth t-shirt.  
 **NG:** Don't be so gauche, man, it was a Sound Garden shirt! And I wore a blazer over it, totally legit. Right Mart- andhe'sgone.  
 **HG:** Hm. Miss Tsarong seems to have vanished, too.  
 **NG:** And Shoshana and Brent. Not that I'm sad about that last one. Brent, if you're listening, you're kind of a dick, man. And could you wear anymore aftershave?  
 **HG** : Once more, Dr. Geiszler, your indomitable need for fighting repels any sane individuals within a 30 meter radius.  
 **NG** : I like a fluid exchange of ideas, thanks, Hermann. And I'd like to note that you sate it every damn time- so what does that say about you?  
 **HG:** That clearly I've gone insane, probably thanks to you.  
 **NG:** You're welcome. How much time do we have left?  
  
 **[Someone off microphone: Fifteen minutes]**  
  
 **NG:** Fifteen minutes? Crazy. Time flies when you're... um... time flies! How about we break for a quick set and see if any of your hot dead guy crushes or any new listener questions have come in. You're listening to the K-Science Bickering Jamboree, AKA Radio LOCCENT, initiating audio bliss in 3...2..  
 **HG:** Oh my god, really?  
 **NG:** 1!  
  
  
 **[Cue:**  
 **[Vollig Losgelost](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T3Xz5elbe4)\- Peter Schiller**  
 **[Freedom of Choice](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B2tyKfrChQ)\- Devo**  
 **[The Zoo](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfyaRQIbOWM)\- Scorpions]**

 **NG:** And we're back! Nyima and Marty and half of LOCCENT still aren't back. We're theorizing that they were eaten by a grue or they're having a massive party with the Ukranians in welding crew romeo. Tweet your theories with hashtag #wherehavealltheJTechsgone ?  
I'm here with my lab partner Hermann-  
 **HG:** Ehm- Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, begrudgingly.  
 **NG:** Yes, the esteemed Dr. Hermann Gottlieb-Begrudgingly and hey man, we've gotten some listener questions of our own! Care to read-em out Dr. Gottlieb-Begrudgingly?  
 **HG: [hurrumphs oddly]** That joke will end now, for your reference. And very well.... Mr. Dale Conrad from janitorial- ah yes, the reputable Mr. Conrad... asks, “Could you boys please keep your lab cleaner. And as an aside to Dr. Geiszler, what is the best way to get kaiju gut stains out of clothes? Half my squad refuses to clean your office because they've all ruined their best boiler suits." Yes, Mr. Conrad, I must agree with you. The state of Newton's side of the lab is deplorable....  
 **NG:** Heh. Well _Hermann_ , he asked us both to keep the lab clean. It's _our_ lab.  
 **HG:** Any mess on my side is the work of your practical jokes and bad aim.  
 **NG: [Sound of a chair seat creaking upright]** Dude, just stop right there. I've seen you hockeyshot guts back over to me with your cane, don't even lie... And Dale, I've found that the best way to get kaiju out of your clothes is a 2:1 combination of Sprite and Windex. Wash it out with warm water. Boom, man- and your stuff smells all lemon-limey. Good luck, man.  
 **HG:** Mr. Conrad, I'll see to it that his radio is unplugged until his side of the lab is cleaned.  
 **NG:** First rule of war, Hermann, never let your enemy know of your plans.  
 **HG:** I thought it was “know your enemy as you know yourself” and I'm very much trying to avoid that. Moving on from Sun Tzu... Jo... um... well Jo from simulations programming has- I can't believe this, Newton, really?- their dead...  
 **NG: [snorts]** Please say it, Hermann? I just wanna hear it in your stodgy Gilbert Ryle voice...  
 **HG: [sighs]** Their _dead guy crush_ \- I hope your pleased with yourself- and offers up Oscar Wilde, Nikola Tesla, and Arthur Ainley. All very admirable, I think.  
 **NG:** Who was the last one?  
 **HG:** Arthur Ainley was an actor who played the Master on Dr. Who during the 80s. You probably aren't aware of him because you idolize Stephen Moffat's dreck.  
 **NG:** Easy there hipster, I've watched some of all the doctors, okay? And I fell off that wagon mid-way through 11... the whole timeline thing bothered me, you know?  
 **HG** : Indeed. **[vigorous clicking]**  
 **NG:** Dude, are you deleting those?  
 **HG** : The questions are intrusive and highly inappropriate...  
 **NG:** Well.. okay... intrusive, cool, whatever- but don't delete the inappropriate ones! Just pick one randomly!  
 **HG: [dryly]**  I wasn't aware that the PPDC email interface had a shuffle option... All right. Ah, here's one you'll appreciate, Newton. Blair Coney from communications asks, “If a giant squid were somehow the same size as a Category-5 Kaiju which do you think would win in a fair fight?” Odd.  
 **NG: [laughs]** Well, in case you were wondering Blair, no, we could not conceivably train or convince a giant squid to fight kaiju for us. Believe me, I drew up a proposal and ran some trials on some cuttlefish, but it wasn't happening.... **[bitterly]** the PPDC wouldn't even look at my data.  
 **HG:** You trained cuttlefish to attack kaiju toys... It was laughable. Yet still impressive. I still say you should submit the findings the Pacific Marine Biology Journal...  
 **NG:** Eh. Whatever. But anyway, the giant squid, _architeuthis_ , even if provoked probably would end up as calamari, even against a category 1. The maximum weight for a giant ever recorded was 275 kilos, which even with the impressive muscle load and jet propulsion of the squid, isn't enough against a couple hundred tons of kaiju. Also I can't give you a complete answer because we haven't seen a kaiju yet to hit 5 on the Serizawa scale, so we have no means of accurately conceptualizing how gnarly one of those things might be.  
 **HG:** And I pray we may never have to...  
 **NG:** If our projections are any indicator, one of those bad boys would be between 5 and 7,000 tons and have a blue toxicity unimaginable, probably enough to severely contaminate shoreline within a 500 kilometer radius of landfall.  
 **HG:** Luckily, looking at the history of kaiju and their rate of breaching growth, we won't be seeing a single Category 5 for some time. Enough time to hopefully devise a long-term war strategy.  
 **NG:** Fuck yeah! Hermann and I are going to figure something out before we hit Category 5! Because this man is a goddamned genius and I'm a-  
 **HG:** Thank you, Newton. But if anything, I propose that we'll be seeing simultaneous egress of two kaiju-  
 **NG:**   **[bangs console]** Oh god, not this double event shit again...  
 **HG:** Exclaims the man who wanted to armor a giant squid with nuclear-capable missiles...  
 **NG:** Admit it, that would have been badass... and it was only a timewaster project until I got my kaiju blue filter schematics drawn up! And there is no precedent or causation for a double Breach event, Hermann!  
 **HG:** There is also no precedent for-  
 **ML: [panting, shouting over the scientists** ] Oh my god... Guys! Guys! You need to stop!  
 **NT:** You're over time by five minutes!  
 **ML:** Noriko's gonna be pissed! Tendo's gonna be pissed! Pentecost, oh shit, Pentecost...  
 **NG:** -is gonna dig my sign off. **[quickly]** From LOCCENT and K-Science (hashtag #KscienceRocks) I'm Newt "Lizard King" Geiszler, he's Hermann "Frog Prince" Gottlieb. G'night! Whoo! Run for it Hermann- I'll distract them!  
  
 **[[Cue: My Way- Sid Vicious](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVoGMl0AU9w)]**

**[End of transmission]**

**Author's Note:**

> -10 points to you if you got the Rocket Power reference.  
> -Yes, I had to do the Evangelion AMV for Engel....  
> -One of the many phrases used to describe the scent of durian is "pigshit". Welcome to the wonderful world of knowing.  
> -NAME THAT FLASH MEME. It came out in 2003, of course Newt would think it was the shit.  
> -Shatterdome food isn't too bad, the issue at hand is that the primarily Asian mess crew aren't the best at cooking typical American comfort food. They make fantastic traditional Cantonese fare in particular but downright awful meatloaf or Mac n' cheese. Newt is homesick and tries these things in vein (not to say he isn't an adventurous eater. I'd imagine he's an absolute whore for cha siu bao. IT'S LIKE A PILLOWY BBQ HOT POCKET)  
> -KellerProcess, it took me a bit, but I USED YOUR OC, BEV. I figure she knows Newt from Shatterdome temple when he bothers to go. Did I mention Newt's Jewish? Newt's Jewish. (If it's cool I might use her more)  
> -DID ANYONE ELSE WONDER WHY LOCCENT HONGKONG DOESN'T HAVE ANY DOORS? AT LEAST BIG SCI-FI SWOOSHY ONE? WAS THE PPDC THAT STRAPPED FOR CASH?  
> -Franz Listz was a hottie. Look it up. You're welcome.  
> -Hermann is quoting Sun Tzu's Art of War... and no, Hermann, that is not the first rule. That phrase doesn't even turn up until Chapter 3. Stick to psychics, fella.  
> -Gilbert Ryle was a 20th century philosopher who wrote extensively on the concept of the mind and critiqued Descartes' Dualism ideas. He also coined the phrase "Ghost in the Machine". If you watch interviews of him before his death in 1975 he talks with a similar patter as Hermann, particularly the "handwriting of God" speech.
> 
> Character Notes  
> -You may have noticed Newt's stumbling and awkwardness at the beginning of the show. This is based on some observations of extroverted academics who have anxiety. They need someone to bounce their energy ball back, positive or negative. Newt just doing the announcements isn't reciprocating energy or challenging him, arguing with Gottlieb and making irreverent comments or scenarios does.


End file.
